


untitled

by sickly _sweet (infectedsense)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, Past Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 06:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2140773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infectedsense/pseuds/sickly%20_sweet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are things that you inherently know are wrong without being told.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> 2007 repost from Livejournal sickly_sweet

Any girl that Dean has ever slept with has come with a label attached: good for three hours, ten minutes and fourteen seconds. Expiration date: June 21st 2003. Every girl that Dean has ever taken to bed, he has heard that clock ticking away in the background. Knowing that there is a time limit even when the girl thinks that he is going to stay. He never is.

Sam is different. Sam is deeper; the difference between the passing rain and the pools that it leaves behind. Sam is laid back and slow and steady, and Dean wants to have that kind of peace within himself, but he has never been able to stay. Dean’s always been moving, always travelling, always running towards or away from something, but he thought that this would be different because fuck, how can you run away from your own brother?

They always shared a room because their dad could never afford a three-bedroom. Sometimes it was only a one bedroom and he slept on the couch, or on the floor. But Sammy and Dean always got a bed, that was how it worked. Often they had to share that as well as just the room.

There are things that you inherently know are wrong without being told, and for Dean, this was one of those things, but he wanted it to be different. He needed it to be right.

Dean lies on his back with his hands resting on top of the sheets, over his stomach. He stares at the ceiling and listens to the sound of his brother breathing deeply in the other bed, and he knows that Sam isn’t asleep either, knows it as surely as he has ever known anything, but he also knows that this doesn’t mean anything. They can’t really afford the double rooms that they always get these days, but it isn’t right for two brothers in their twenties to share a bed, so they don’t.

Sam hasn’t shared a bed with Dean since he was twelve, and Dean, for one, misses those days a hell of a lot right now. How he can feel so alone when his only brother is always within a claustrophobic proximity escapes him. Maybe you just always feel alone when you are always moving, always running.

Dean wanted to prove himself with Sam. Wanted to prove that he could love and not just fuck, wanted to prove that he could stay for longer than the panicky alarm bells inside his head told him to. But he blew it big time. Dean wants to change but everything that he wants has always turned out to be wrong, and he can’t be that person. He can’t be that fucked up and criminal. He can’t nurture his own disease.

Sam’s eyes are burning a hole into the wall, and yes, he knows that Dean is awake. But that doesn’t make anything okay. Things are never as easy as he has always wanted them to be. Sam had always grown up believing that love was the one absolute truth in life, the one thing that would always be morally right. He had grown up watching his dad carry a blazing torch for the woman he had lost five, seven, ten years ago, never faltering in his adoration of her, this love the most important love of all. Sometimes more important than the love he felt for his own children. So romantic love was the only thing that had seemed stable to Sam, and he had always been waiting for it to find him.

When it turned out that love could be more wrong than anything else, that the purest of loves mixed up together could create something unmentionably horrible, Sam wasn’t willing to give up on it just like that. He’d spent too long believing to do that. But eventually he had to realise that sometimes, what you wanted could never, ever be okay.

Dean has finally figured out what he wants, but for once it’s not as easy as just deciding not to leave. He made that decision a long time ago, and it doesn’t matter, it never mattered. He will stay with Sam forever, stay with him in all the ways that count.

But in other ways, the two of them will always be running away from each other.


End file.
